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Fat Days – I Poke My Spork at You!

20 Jan

I have those days, those days where you wake up go to the mirror put on what you’ve worn 100 times before, and then for some inexplicable reason you say, “I look so fat today.” However this isn’t like normal I’m fat day move one,  but instead you don’t want to go out at all day. Your confidence is low you even start to dissect how you look from the side, from straight on and, OH GOD, from behind…the bane of your existence.

I have forced myself to go out to, knowing that I was having an off day.  Faking myself into acting nice, as if I am having the best day ever! When I am not. I just end those days feeling so fake and deflated.

Don’t Judge Yourself, Love Yourself and Others:

20 Jan

Have you ever been in a bakery section of a grocery store or in an actual bakery or donut shop and thought, wow are they judging me? I have had that feeling. Even if I was just looking I have felt like someone was watching me. This could all be in the back of my head of course, and it could be me projecting my insecurities onto others.  So unless someone actually came up to me and said something, I wouldn’t know. But I do the next best thing, if I find someone’s glance lingering I say something witty like, “I wish I could get them all “ or I talk about the weather.  To me bringing humor into a situation it can calm it, breaks that tension in the air.

I have also encountered people could even if you say hi to them, run off as if you were going to steal their first born child or something. People watching is an interesting thing, you learn so much about the human aesthetic and it’s a great way to get out. Either shopping or taking a book, its interesting how many things you pick up on and then you wonder to yourself – “Wow did anyone else just see that too?” It’s important to take a moment and appreciate things.  We are so busy running around, just concerned about money or food that we don’t take the time to actually take a deep breath.  I admit I am guilty of it too, I’ve rushed into places thinking I have to get this and this and jet home. I am guilty of not taking the time to stop; look around and think about how big the world really is and how small I am in it.  There is so much more out there than me, and it may seem scary to say, “I am insignificant” but its not that.  It important to realize that I am significant that my voice does matter and so does everyone else’s. You may seem small but just being there in that moment can change so much, just breath, take a step back and enjoy. Relish everything around you because one day you will wish you had that moment back.

I’m a Vegan – So Why Am I Fat?!

2 Jan

At 16 I made a decision, I was tired of being over weight and I am an animal lover so I quit eating meat one day cold turkey (hehe pun) and have never looked back since. When I first began being Vegan my weight became more manageable, and I really did lose weight. However I noticed that I needed to balance exercise along with it. Balance is key here, eating right and working out. There is really no way around this.

So why am I fat then?

Because I stopped working out, I did not eat proper meals and I did not eat 5 meals a day. I simply put more food in than I was burning off. There is no simple fix to this; I have stopped working out and fallen into bad habits. I need to be conscious of these bad habits and realize what my weakness is and know that I need to change them for the better. Just because you are Vegan it is not a golden ticket, you can still not eat properly on a Vegan, Vegetarian, ANY diet, there are still sweets, carbs, fats all types of things. Even most junk food is Vegan technically like potato chips, various candies and a number of cheese style foods are really synthetic cheese flavorings and contain no milk. Being Vegan is not an auto fix – it is a start to eating right though. You just have to be strong and remember BALANCE.

Eating 5 small meals a day with a healthy fitness regime, and spacing the meals out to every 3 -4 hours. When I sit and about it I was eating 5 meals a day  (this includes snacks) and not losing but gaining. I especially noticed this when I lost my job. Just sitting and not adjusting my eating habits for my lifestyle OR working out no wonder my body started “preparing for winter” year around!

Balance BALANCE BALANCE!

Mister Scale I Dare Challenge Thee to a DUEL!:

6 Oct

The scale – that ominous piece of metal that is sitting there – staring at you.  Plotting against you oh yes! He sits waiting for you, knowing all your little secrets, counting all your missteps just lying in wait knowing…that you will eventually come to him for all the answers. He also knows that if you were to deny him that he would win.

You sit on the toilet starting back at him – a Mexican stand off of sorts. Just like the OK Corral you sit there staring at each other letting the moments tick by… You think I am just going to get this over with but its not that easy is it? You sit with absolution thinking back on your day or week even thinking about that small bite of chocolate you had or that Venti Starbucks you treated yourself too… But what you know HE knows. He is sitting there on the tiled floor clucking his hands together like a villain from a James Bond film waiting for you just to ask that simple little question. “What are you waiting for Mr. Bond?” He asks in his cold tone. You think okay I can be James Bond – just take out the bad guy! But again its not that easy is it? Because you both know you need him – you need to know the answer to your question and he has all the cards.

You remove every stitch of clothing, you finally get the gumption up and you think. I am just going to get this over with – it’s just a set of number nothing more. But that’s a lie, you know they are more; you put reverence behind these numbers.  You put so much behind what Mister Scale tells you that its almost debilitating to know the answer. Just before you step on you think, “Oh god, I forgot to workout Friday.” The scale smiles back at you…that wicked smile…he knows now too.  You then step back, pulling your robe back over you body, you start gripping the sink, taking a deeper breath. You feel vulnerable, you feel weak and you start to regret everything you’ve done. You begin to think about how this is too much work and you start to doubt who you are. But then an epiphany happens. You look at yourself in the mirror; you see it in your eyes. You want this change. It’s not easy, no, but you are stronger than this, this is something you deserve. Screw plateaus, you are not going to let something that silly stop you. No one is going to take that from you –NOBODY! You turn on a dime towards him and he knows that something in you has changed. ”I will not let you win!” “You will not stop me, you will tell what I NEED to know and I will like it no matter what! You have no power over me Mister Scale; DAMN you and your metal parts you will not control me! I have the power to change ANYTHING you throw at me. I am not afraid of you…give me your worst!”

You strip down again in one swift motion, the scale is scared now, he has no recourse he shakes and you step on him. Closing your eyes, taking a deep breath you look down and you wait what seems like eternity for those numbers to appear. The ticking of time, the sound of blood rushing through your ears; its all pounding now. You start to sweat from the adrenaline…the waiting.  But you know no matter what it says, it won’t matter, you are determined to maintain your course.  You start to realize you really meant what you said – it didn’t matter good or bad you are fighting for you. You deserve to be fought for, and you are the warrior of your own destiny. You feel its time; you open your eyes, you look down to see… the scale has no power over you only YOU do and you have the power, will and strength to make anything you want happen. Mister Scale, you smile, you are not my foe here for I simply will NOT let you win because I am better than that AND I deserve this.

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