Tag Archives: funny

Mister Scale I Dare Challenge Thee to a DUEL!:

6 Oct

The scale – that ominous piece of metal that is sitting there – staring at you.  Plotting against you oh yes! He sits waiting for you, knowing all your little secrets, counting all your missteps just lying in wait knowing…that you will eventually come to him for all the answers. He also knows that if you were to deny him that he would win.

You sit on the toilet starting back at him – a Mexican stand off of sorts. Just like the OK Corral you sit there staring at each other letting the moments tick by… You think I am just going to get this over with but its not that easy is it? You sit with absolution thinking back on your day or week even thinking about that small bite of chocolate you had or that Venti Starbucks you treated yourself too… But what you know HE knows. He is sitting there on the tiled floor clucking his hands together like a villain from a James Bond film waiting for you just to ask that simple little question. “What are you waiting for Mr. Bond?” He asks in his cold tone. You think okay I can be James Bond – just take out the bad guy! But again its not that easy is it? Because you both know you need him – you need to know the answer to your question and he has all the cards.

You remove every stitch of clothing, you finally get the gumption up and you think. I am just going to get this over with – it’s just a set of number nothing more. But that’s a lie, you know they are more; you put reverence behind these numbers.  You put so much behind what Mister Scale tells you that its almost debilitating to know the answer. Just before you step on you think, “Oh god, I forgot to workout Friday.” The scale smiles back at you…that wicked smile…he knows now too.  You then step back, pulling your robe back over you body, you start gripping the sink, taking a deeper breath. You feel vulnerable, you feel weak and you start to regret everything you’ve done. You begin to think about how this is too much work and you start to doubt who you are. But then an epiphany happens. You look at yourself in the mirror; you see it in your eyes. You want this change. It’s not easy, no, but you are stronger than this, this is something you deserve. Screw plateaus, you are not going to let something that silly stop you. No one is going to take that from you –NOBODY! You turn on a dime towards him and he knows that something in you has changed. ”I will not let you win!” “You will not stop me, you will tell what I NEED to know and I will like it no matter what! You have no power over me Mister Scale; DAMN you and your metal parts you will not control me! I have the power to change ANYTHING you throw at me. I am not afraid of you…give me your worst!”

You strip down again in one swift motion, the scale is scared now, he has no recourse he shakes and you step on him. Closing your eyes, taking a deep breath you look down and you wait what seems like eternity for those numbers to appear. The ticking of time, the sound of blood rushing through your ears; its all pounding now. You start to sweat from the adrenaline…the waiting.  But you know no matter what it says, it won’t matter, you are determined to maintain your course.  You start to realize you really meant what you said – it didn’t matter good or bad you are fighting for you. You deserve to be fought for, and you are the warrior of your own destiny. You feel its time; you open your eyes, you look down to see… the scale has no power over you only YOU do and you have the power, will and strength to make anything you want happen. Mister Scale, you smile, you are not my foe here for I simply will NOT let you win because I am better than that AND I deserve this.

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